Tinglish in the restaurant

Good evening. We need a table for four, please

Okay. Come, come. Here is okay? Waryuwannadink?

I think I’ll have a gin and tonic.

Yeen tonic. Okay. And my wife you?

Darling? Red wine? My wife will have a glass of house red, please.

How led. Okay.

And the children will have Cokes.

Yeen tonic, how led, but no hab Cork. Pepsee Okay?

Okay, Pepsis, then. And we’d like a menu, please.

Maynoo. Wait, na, I gib you.

Okay, I think we’re ready to order. My wife will have the spaghetti and I’ll have the steak. The kids would like fish and chips.

Solly madam, sir pagetti or finit.

Alright. How about ham salad instead?

Okay. How you lie sa-take: Lair? Medium? Waew done?

Rare please.

Hairm salat, sa-take lair, fit and ship two, na?

That’s correct. Thanks. Tell me, do you know where I can rent a motorbike?

Can. My fen he hab mo-sy. Soosooki Samat. You wan disaccount I tok him.

A Suzuki Smash, huh? I won’t have a smash will I? Hee hee…

I tink you no seer ee ert. Newer mine. You no samat, shoo-er. Mo-sy goo. New bake an ween hab new lubber too.

Yeah, I was joking. New brakes and tyres, huh? Sounds good. How much, do you think?

Wan day maybe fie hun dead. You wan insoolan more one hun ded.

That’s reasonable. I’ll come by tomorrow, if that’s okay, and you can call him for me? What time do you start work?

Eelewen. Work on day. Tomollow no pompem. But nek wee I no hia. Go see unkern in Udon Thani.

You got a phone? I’ll call you before I come round.

Okay. Seelo eight wan tee tee fie nigh sick sewen sick.

Got it. How’s the food coming?

Mo men. I check… Okay. Come now. You lie mussatar? Toe may toe sort? I gib you.

Mustard and tomato sauce would be good. Maybe we should order dessert now? That way it’ll be ready when we’ve finished our mains. What have you got?

We gib you foot pate, fee. But eye team can too. Warn eye team. Hab sataw berly, waneela, chocolat. Or speshun, you lie fie banana?

Okay, we’ll have the free fruit plates. Kids? Ice cream? It’s Walls. Okay. One strawberry and one vanilla. And my wife and I will both have the banana fritters.

….

That was delicious. Could we please have the bill?

Okay. [shouting to woman at till] Check bin! … Fie hun dead sick tee pease.

I think we’ll come here for supper again tomorrow. What time does the restaurant open in the evening?

Sick o cock. See you na. Byebye.

© Copyright Alasdair Forbes 2008-2009

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